There has been a lack of people signing up for the South Africa trips due to an irrational fear of Ebola, which is on a completely different part of the continent. So because of this, all other South Africa trips have been cancelled besides the South Africa B trip which goes from July 8th- July 28th. This is now the trip that I will be going on. This was a huge answer to prayer as I had been struggling with the decision to switch to a shorter trip because of my health. I prayed that He would make the right answer very obvious and He sure did! I am now more excited than ever before!
Fundraising and everything else will continue like before :) The amount I need for the trip is a little less but not considerably since I still have to pay for the international flight. I will be posting a new "Amount Raised, Amount left to raise" picture soon! So stay tuned!
Remember to check out Facebook.com/sendnoelletoafrica for more frequent updates and prayer requests!
"I was pushed back and about to fall, but the Lord helped me. The Lord is my strength and my defense; he has become my salvation. -Psalm 118:13-14"
I have been blessed with intelligence and strong motivation to succeed in school. I always push my illnesses aside, and try my best academically. I wanted to share my grades after a month of college. I am so incredibly proud of myself and thankful to the Lord provided me with everything I need to succeed. I am loving college so far and everything that I do is making me so confident and excited for my future in nursing. God is calling me to bless people spiritually and medically.
Welp, It's shark week, which means hormonal migraines, nausea, fatigue, and horrendous cramps. I just want to ask for your guys' prayers this week and also spread a little awareness about Endometriosis. Here is an article from the Huffington Post, "This Is What Endometriosis Feels Like.":
The pain is deep and heavy, almost as though I'm being pulled down by gravity. It's a soreness, sometimes a pinch or a twinge or even a stab -- but nearly always it is just deep and full, almost like a moan that stays always in a low octave. There are times, at night as I find I can't move because it has pulled me down against my bed, where I find that I, too, must audibly groan. Almost as though I'm harmonizing with the depth of the painful chord inside.
When it is tired and much heavier than usual, it will fall against my lower back. It sits there and pushes against my spine. I try not to tense, which only makes it worse, but even to try to relax, to breathe, seems to do little. The pain is not something I can guard against nor can I breathe into it -- to breathe into it would be no less irritating than to fill a balloon to near bursting -- and at times, that's exactly how it feels. Sometimes I realize I am holding my breath and when I let it go, my legs shake and I feel a swell of pain that ripples through me as though a vibration from a hard-hit chord.
Pain may shoot down my legs. Pain may rise up and interrupt whatever I've tried to feed myself. The pain buzzes at my pelvic floor whenever I go to the bathroom. When, penetrated with the promise of pleasure, there is a deep and sudden ache that spreads in rhythmic time between my hip bones. I grit my teeth and reach for pleasure but it doesn't come, I don't come, and after I bleed.
Sometimes I may bleed for a few days and instead of post-coital tingling, there is a sizzling pain and exhaustion that brings tears to my eyes.
I take a lot of hot baths, even when it's 80 degrees in my apartment. I sweat, but I need the penetrating heat just so I can catch my breath. Sometimes I take three baths in a single afternoon. Other times, I'm glued to my heating pad, or those patches you can wear. I wish those were covered by insurance because they are $7.00 per box and I go through at least three boxes per week during a bad flare.
When I run, there are twinges. Sometimes when the rush of endorphins washes through my body, I may get a moment's peace, but when my feet have slowed and my breathing heightens, the pain gives way to nausea, and full-body spinning. My body is begging me to be still.
Yet, to be still is nearly impossible. The pain is twisting and wringing, and no matter what I do there are times when I can't get comfortable. I lie flat, then I lie on one side with my knees to my chest. Then I curl into a tiny ball. Then I'm splayed out, half my body draped over the side of the bed, my head touching the floor. Then I'm squatting, my chest against my bed, grasping the sheets tightly. There are times when I feel as though I want to stretch my body out until my limbs lose all their elasticity. Other times, my body seizes up and tries to be small, curling into a fetal fibonacci.
People tell me just relax. Doctors say it. Well meaning friends. Anyone who has even bore witness to the pain implores me to relax. I no longer have control over this situation, you must understand. I can breath in and around and within the pain -- but that's the thing, I am in pain. I am living inside of it. That's what I'm saying, really, when I say "I am in pain" -- because to feel a pain so raw and deep and penetrating is to leave this reality entirely and exist on a separate plane as it each pulse moves through you, as though your internal organs are being bruised and beaten.
What about sex? What about it, yes, well, it is something to be endured that's for certain. Even self-sex, so many have suggested, what about masturbation? Having a non-penetrative orgasm? Orgasms feel good! They send endorphins throughout your body. You should just have orgasms.
Ah yes, but see, that's the other injustice. While the twisted internal anatomy has prevented me from enjoying accepting a willing and joyous penis into the vault of my womb, I am similarly unable to even experience an orgasm as the lone wolf that I currently am. This is because the shuddering, tighten-and-release mechanism of an orgasm sends my uterus -- and, I allege, whatever it is adhered to currently with fibrous, damaged tissue -- into a tight, grating spasm not unlike a "Charlie Horse."
Is the brief and emancipating pleasure of a fifteen second orgasm worse the hour of such a reproductive wrenching? Not to me, no.
I know that people are only trying to help, to offer me a solution. But I know that right now, in current medicine, there isn't one. I am learning to accept that. So, when I share my pain with you, when I invite you into it, do not try to pull me out because you will only drag yourself down to where I am. Instead, just stay where you are. Reach your hand down not to pull me out, but to simply applaud my valiant efforts not to squeeze your hand until it falls off from lack of sufficient circulation.
This past weekend my church's college ministry, TheRiver, had there winter retreat. I went with my best friends, Kelly and Aubrey, and it was absolutely amazing! I can't stop thinking about it.The theme of the weekend was being in exile. What I took away the most from Erik's (our paster) message was that God sometimes calls you to be uncomfortable. I found that so true, I have done so much more with my life since becoming chronically ill. I have been able to positively affect others during my struggles. The retreat came at the perfect time after a hard week of school. It was great being able to relax and let loose. We had an amazing time snow tubing, worshipping, and playing games with everyone. I also loved the prayer room that was set up. It was so nice to just go there and relax. I loved painting in there, it was so therapeutic. One night, I laid there and prayed for two hours, just really opening my heart to God. I am so thankful for last weekend and can't wait till next year. Here are some pictures from this amazing weekend!
The retreat was at Ironwoods Springs and we slept in the Miracle Lodge. Kelly, Aubrey, and I were lucky enough to have our room and we each had our own bed!
Kelly and Aubrey's beds
My bed!
Erik giving the sermon
Worship time
Kelly, Me, and Aubrey playing Life
Kelly and Aubrey during meal time
The painting I did while in the prayer room.
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."- Philippians 4:13
"You don't have to be strong all the time, God will carry you."
"The Lord is my rock, strength, hope, shelter, healer, refuge, shepherd, comfort, God, deliverer, stronghold.
"You are a light in the darkness Lord."
A mural some of the other people at the retreat made.
My journal, we had 30 minutes of personal reflection after each sermon.
Yesterday morning I got my gallbladder taken out. They also did a cystoscope, which came back clear! So that means I don't have Interstitial cystitis! They got my IV in with only one poke! Plus, they were able to remove my gallbladder through my belly button. I have 4 incisions on my tummy. I had some good nurses at the hospital and was surprised at all the gluten free options they had there! With it being a small hospital, I thought my options would be very limited. After I got out of surgery they had some problem getting my pain under control. I wish there was a way to put in my file that I am very drug resistant. The nurse wasn't comfortable with giving me a lot of pain meds. From then on out, the pain would come in and out. As it got closer to leaving, they started giving me less strong painkillers, which really didn't help much. Both my mom and I had a hard time sleeping. In the morning, they were kind of in a rush to get us out. Which was not fun because I was still very nauseous and in a lot of pain. Plus I didn't understand why they were in a hurry since it wasn't like they needed my room for someone else! Now that I am home, I'm having a hard time with getting the pain and nausea under control. So please, please be praying for pain management. My incision sites are very sensitive so I can't really move without causing extra pain. Hopefully I will be able to get some deep, healing sleep tonight!
This Friday (January 30th), I am having surgery to get my gallbladder removed. One or two months ago I had a HIDA scan done which revealed that my gallbladder is working at 4% so it needed to come out! I have to go in at 5:30 am (ugh) and we aren't exactly sure when surgery starts yet. They will be making me stay overnight in the hospital (ugh again). So please be praying that everything with the surgery will go super well (one IV poke, no complications in surgery or with anesthesia, etc) and a speedy recovery! Now I'm not getting it removed because of gallstones but I thought these comics where to funny (and cute) not to include!
I thought I would share the response assignment that I recently had to write for my composition class. We were asked to chose a statement from a list provided and play the believing and doubting game. You spend the first part of the paper believing the statement and the second part doubting. We were to try to make it so the reader isn't able to tell what side you are actually on. So here it is-
"The statement I will be writing about is, “Facebook or other social media provides a good way to make new friends.” This would be true in small towns where there are not a lot of people that you could be friends with. If you used Facebook or other social media sites you would open yourself up to a bigger community filled with possible friends. This is also true for people with chronic illnesses that are not able to get out of their house often or participate in other activities that you would otherwise make friends through. With social media, they can use their phone or computer to connect with people that may have the same illness as them. Sometimes these people could be continents away, but they can still be friends thanks to social media ie. messaging, Skype, etc. They can also use social media to vent about their day and receive advice and love from their online friends that they may not get from their families or friends in their town. Another situation where this statement would be true is with someone with agoraphobia or severe social anxiety. Agoraphobia is a type of anxiety disorder where you fear or often avoid public places, making it hard to find and meet new friends. They would be able to use social media to meet friends without having to go somewhere that causes them panic or fear. Lastly, Facebook or other social media would provide an easier way to meet new people with similar interests as you, which then might turn into a friendship.
This statement would be untrue when you start spending more time on Facebook or other social media than interacting with the people or your friends that are around you. This could then cause you to lose friends instead of making them. Another situation where this statement proves to be wrong is when you use social media to play games or just post things instead of actually interacting with other people online. You are not going to make new friends by playing games on the internet. Facebook or social media are also really easy places to become victim to online predators or people pretending to be someone they are not. They could find information through your profile, posts, and conversations to learn things about you and target you. You could also become a victim to cyber bullying. Someone could say that they are your friend and then slowly start to degrade you by saying mean things, commenting hurtful responses to your posts or pictures, making hateful posts, and even making a hate page, with pictures or posts saying, “I hate Jane Doe, isn’t she so ugly and fat?” People are more likely to type something mean than say it to that person's face. Social media would become something that you would hide from instead of going there to make new friends. Some people would also argue that the friends you meet online are not actually “real friends.” They think that they don’t count because you don’t see them everyday or you haven’t actually met them so how do you know they are who they say they are or like what they say they do? Lastly, there seems to be a lot of drama on Facebook and other social media. Other people or groups will gang up on you if you don’t believe the same things that they do. People also like to spread rumors about others online. Why would you want to go there to find new friends?"
I received a $100 donation this week for my upcoming missions trip! (Thank you so much) So that means we need $5,200 more to cover the complete cost of the trip! I have complete faith in God that we will be able to come up with the money. To the people who live near me, I am available for babysitting, cleaning, and baking for events or birthday parties! To everyone, you can donate by clicking here and using missionary ID# 2709700. Any amount is highly appreciated! You can get regular updates by clicking here. "Declare his glory among nations, his marvelous works among all the peoples!" - Psalms 96:3 "And he said to them, "Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation." - Mark 16:15
In the bathtub willing myself to keep fighting. The pain has been so bad recently, with the winter weather and starting college. I don't know how much more I can take. I just can't do this anymore, do you know what it's like to be in so much pain, in every part of your body, everyday? How am I supposed to stay strong? I am exhausted emotionally and physically. I am praying to God to give me the strength to keep fighting. I am praying that he could just take an ounce of my pain away. I know he does all things for my good, but sometimes it's hard to see the good in all of this suffering. I can't wait for heaven so I can ask him and see what was the point of all of this. I trust Him so much. I know that I wouldn't be here today without him. I can't wait to be in heaven and to be free. I can't remember what it is like to not be in pain, to not feel the heaviness and fatigue wearing myself down, and to not be always battling with my mind and body. In class today, my teacher asked if anyone of us does positive affirmations. I was the only one to raise my hand. When you have this life, you have to, it's the only way to keep putting one foot in front of the other and to keep breathing. I CAN do this. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." I can make it one more day, one more hour, one more minute, one more second. Christ is my rock, in him I put all of my hope, faith, and strength. Without him I would be nothing. When I am asked the question, if this suffering brings God glory, is it worth it? Yes, yes it is. God specifically choose me to live this life and to go through this never-ending battles to bring him glory and to bring other people to worship him. There may not be a special pill or treatment but there is God and he is ALL I need. Sometimes it's hard to remember that, but just keep reminded yourself of God's huge love for you. God has a plan for my life and I haven't done everything that he has called me to do. So I need to keep fighting and pushing till my mission here on Earth has been completed.
*Sorry for such the heavy post, I needed to let some things out. Please be keeping me in your prayers.
"Sing for joy to God our strength; shout aloud to the God of Jacob!" - Psalm 81:1 "As for God, his way is perfect: The Lord's way is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in him." - 2 Samuel 22:31 "For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope." - Romans 15:4 "Since you are my rock and my fortress, for the sake of your name lead and guide me." - Psalm 31:3 "Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." - Romans 5:3-4 "Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge." - Psalm 62:8 "I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." - Romans 8:18 "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." - Psalm 73:26 "Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and body with grief. My life is consumed by anguish and my years by groaning; my strength fails because of my affliction, and my bones grow weak." - Psalm 31:9-10 "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance." - James 1:2-3
On Monday, January 12th, I started college! WOOOHOOO!!! I can't believe I finally made it! I'm taking four classes at a community college this semester to finish my pre-requisites for nursing school! I'm taking Composition 1 (which I don't like so far), Nutrition (love), Psychology (like), and "College Experience", which is a required class about "being successful in college." It has already been an exhausting week, but I am so proud of myself and I'm loving college! I had my first quiz on Friday for Comp., and I'm pretty sure I did purely but I'm trying to hold off judgement till I know my grade. I have my first paper due on Wednesday. I am soooo nervous, I absolutely hate writing but this class and Comp. 2 are required for nursing school. Please be praying for a good score on my quiz and paper!
Speaking of nursing school......I GOT ACCEPTED (EARLY ADMISSION) INTO MY CHOICE NURSING SCHOOL!!!! I'm hoping to complete my pre-reqs in time to start nursing school in Spring 2017. (:
Check out these amazing shirts and sweatshirts from our fellow lyme fighter, Macayla Lavender. You can see them at https://www.etsy.com/shop/LymeFighters
"Hello! Lyme Fighters is made to inspire Lyme Disease Awareness. I myself have been undiagnosed for over 10 years and in treatment for almost 3.
Lyme Disease is such an unknown and horrible debilitating disease. That's why Lyme Fighters happened, I wanted the to raise awareness that this disease needs.
This line is great for everyone and anyone! From people to have lyme, friends and families of those with lyme, or those who want to help raise awareness."
Check out this super cute shirt that one of our fellow Endo warriors is selling! They are only $19.99! (plus shipping) She also sells other "Chronically Fabulous" items. I just love all of her stuff!
"For Kat's Endo sisters. This design is for you and Kat hopes you wear it with pride! Visit Kat's Etsy shop to learn more: http://etsy.com/shop/FabulousbyKat
Kat wanted to show her support and express her appreciation to her fellow endometriosis sisters by changing up one of her original designs to spread awareness about Endometriosis.
We are now taking pre-orders until January 30th so that we can have them produced, shipped and delivered to your doorstep in time for you to rock it for the month of March! Made from a black Jerzees 50/50 t-shirt, this design comes in S to 3XL. Order your Endo Awareness shirt now!
March is Endometriosis awareness month. Women need a cure, they need access to more specialized doctors, they need more funding for research, and most of all, they need our support."
