In the bathtub willing myself to keep fighting. The pain has been so bad recently, with the winter weather and starting college. I don't know how much more I can take. I just can't do this anymore, do you know what it's like to be in so much pain, in every part of your body, everyday? How am I supposed to stay strong? I am exhausted emotionally and physically. I am praying to God to give me the strength to keep fighting. I am praying that he could just take an ounce of my pain away. I know he does all things for my good, but sometimes it's hard to see the good in all of this suffering. I can't wait for heaven so I can ask him and see what was the point of all of this. I trust Him so much. I know that I wouldn't be here today without him. I can't wait to be in heaven and to be free. I can't remember what it is like to not be in pain, to not feel the heaviness and fatigue wearing myself down, and to not be always battling with my mind and body. In class today, my teacher asked if anyone of us does positive affirmations. I was the only one to raise my hand. When you have this life, you have to, it's the only way to keep putting one foot in front of the other and to keep breathing. I CAN do this. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." I can make it one more day, one more hour, one more minute, one more second. Christ is my rock, in him I put all of my hope, faith, and strength. Without him I would be nothing. When I am asked the question, if this suffering brings God glory, is it worth it? Yes, yes it is. God specifically choose me to live this life and to go through this never-ending battles to bring him glory and to bring other people to worship him. There may not be a special pill or treatment but there is God and he is ALL I need. Sometimes it's hard to remember that, but just keep reminded yourself of God's huge love for you. God has a plan for my life and I haven't done everything that he has called me to do. So I need to keep fighting and pushing till my mission here on Earth has been completed.
*Sorry for such the heavy post, I needed to let some things out. Please be keeping me in your prayers.
I was up praying for you from 4-5:30. I am so proud of your amazing faith in Jesus. I beg for your relief and healing. I try also to know that there is a purpose in this. I would do anything to trade places with you.
ReplyDeleteI will be lifting you up in prayer today. You are a warrior!
ReplyDeleteHi dear... hugs for being brave and vulnerable. Lyme sucks! I know exactly what you are going through... I've been in that same place for 18 years now and I get to that point in the bathtub frequently. Begging God to just let me die. I don't get it at all but I keep telling myself like you do that God must have a plan for all this. Sending love and prayers your way.
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